...but it was today, so I'll take it! The customer base at the thrift store is indescribable by conventional verbiage, so I considered taking it to the next level and using Lil Wayne's so very accurate "cray". I did a little research, though, and a reliable source set me straight. What I thought would be an appropriate indictment of insanity actually turned out to be the following:
“The origin of the term 'Cray' from the 'N***** In Paris' single is actually not a shortened form of 'crazy', nor is it 'cray'. It’s actually 'Kray', in reference to the schizophrenic twins Ronald and Reginald Kray, crime lords of London in the 50’s and 60’s."
-Urbandictionary.com
So there's that. However, I must say that if I were to discover that two dodgy customers with faces similar to each other turned out to be THE Kray brothers having escaped the grasp of English justice in order that they may reach a comfortable old age in Spring City...well. I wouldn't be surprised. I've seen weirder walk through those automatic sliding doors. And so we're back to square one, describing the customer base..."That shit Kray."
As an illustration, my new favorite customer anecdote came to pass today. It begins with me at the register, keeping an eye on an old guy who is agitatedly shuffling his way up to the front. Do I know ahead of time that something entertaining is about to happen? Yes. But not even in my wildest imaginings could I have fabricated a dialogue so unexpected.
"Excuse me, miss. If I cook my eggs in this pan, they will stick, yes?"
"I think so, sir. Unless you use oil or the no-stick sp - "
"Ah, of course I know to use the oil. I have a can of that spray stuff."
"Well, then! That should do it. Are you all ready to be checked out?"
As he eyes me warily, "Hey. You have a husband? Do you have a lot of kids?"
I can see where this is going. "Nope, no sir. I am unburdened by such attachments. But I reeeeally like eggs."
"Hah!" He looks around at the other customers in the vecinity. "Unreliable!" Pointing at me. "Unreliable!" Shuffles away.
"Yup. Youuuu got it. Don't trust me to talk about cooking eggs..."
Annnnnd I get back to putting a price on the stuff I was working on before that exchange, only I think I got the hiccups from trying so hard not to laugh out loud. He ended up buying the pan (I decided to change my main selling point from no-stick spray to the fact that kitchenwares are half off this week), but I can't help but think he's going to try and return it with some nasty black burnt eggs inside it. The conversation will begin with me citing store policy (all sales are final) and quickly devolve into reminding him that he had labeled me himself as an "unreliable" source of knowledge on whether or not eggs would stick in this pan PREVIOUS to the purchase and had, in fact, decided to buy the probably-sticky-pan anyway.
As much as I would appreciate people treating us less like a yard sale, the bottom line is that I will get to know our customers better than any random cashier at a store with seventeen different checkout lanes. A lot of times I think, How much of this is done for attention? How much of it is Kray, pure and diagnosable psychosis? That's usually a thought I have when people are still shopping five minutes after close. But there are awesome customers, too. Some customers say or do things that are kind and show integrity. Good eggs and Kray eggs in this world. Getting to know them and helping them out as best I can is all I can do. Seriously, I don't think I'm good for much else ere I become a wife and mother, and certainly not any good for cooking eggs ;)
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